A number of years ago I felt an intense need for change.  My life was good, however despite being employed, healthy and much loved, something was off.  It wasn't a  mid-life crisis per se as there was nothing negative going on in my life, however I was feeling uninspired and was thinking "what's the point in all of this"?  

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Have you ever felt that way? I believe many of us have felt stuck at some point in our lives.  But what does being stuck  mean? Some synonyms for stuck are trapped, caught, ensnared, stumped, baffled, confused.  It also means "unable to change or get away from a situation"  Feeling stuck could be in relation to a place, a job, a relationship, a stage of life, or a set of thoughts and behaviors. For me it was that I was stuck in a particular set of negative thinking patterns that were causing me to feel unhappy.   I had been in this mindset and way of being for so long that it was my normal.  I didn't realize I was on auotpilot and not living life fully until the nagging feeling of "stuckness" got stronger and stronger.  That's when I made the decision to ask myslef some deep and important questions and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for my life.   

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At some point in our lives, I believe many of us will come to an important realisation, and it’s this – NOBODY IS GOING TO SAVE US EXCEPT OURSELVES.  Not our parents or kids, not our spouses/partners, not our boss or colleagues and not our friends.  While we are never alone and we must find the courage to reach out for support, when we hit that point in our life where we know something needs to change, it's important to look within for the beginning of a solution. Of course, the first step is to acknowledge that we need support, which many of us find hard to do.  We've been programmed all of our lives to be strong, capable, tough.......you name it, we're supposed to be it!   In addition to and as a result of this programming, we believe we "shouldn't be" a certain way, and taught  not to show our flaws, so admitting that way need support for it can make us feel embarassed.  That's how I felt initially when I first reached out for support.

   

I started out by attending counseling sessions and reading every self-help book I could get my hands on.  I tried hypnosis and even went the medication route for a bit, all with the good intentions of trying to “fix” my so-called issues and “fix” myself.  Around that time I happened upon a book entitled Think or Sink which described how much our thinking affects the outcomes in our lives.  It made total sense to me at the time and I started to read more on the topic.  I became a voracious reader, podcast listener and webinar attendee, reading and listening to everything I could about the human experience, our mind, bodies and souls, and the importance of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health of our entire being.  I continued to research mindfulness, meditation, psychology, trauma, how the brain works, neuroplasticity, spirituality, the science behind our thoughts and consciousness and how we create our own reality.  "With our thoughts we create the world".    What a can of worms that opened! 

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We have so many negative thoughts about ourselves, don't we?  "I can't / I'm not good enough / I'm not worthy or deserving / I don't know how" ....just to name a few.  I'm sure you can relate to this.  But know this, you are not alone!  If you're human, you're having those thoughts at least some of the time, and many of us are having those thoughts the majority of the time but aren't aware of it. These thoughts come from our parents, school, governments, religions, society and our life experiences.  Most of theses thoughts (95%) are repetitive, and unfortunately, a large percentage of them (about 80%) are negative.  The truth of the matter is we've been thinking so negatively and have been programmed so much over a lifetime, that we often only hear the negative chattter in our heads about ourselves (and others) and that chatter is on a constant loop!  I know that was all I was hearing about myself.  In fact, the more I researched and became AWARE, I found the evidence was pointing towards the fact that my stuckness and discontent had more to do with what and how I was thinking and feeling, than with what was happening on the outside.  Apparently I was creating many of my own problems.  Yes, I know what you're thinking, because I was thinking it too!  "How can that be?  How am I not supposed to be upset with all that's going on in the world and all the things that have happened to me?  It's not my fault I feel the way I do".  It was a very sobering moment indeed when I had to look in the mirror and admit that I was very often looking externally to put at least part of the blame of the "issues" in my life on external circumstances or people in my life.  In a moment of humility, perhaps  you can do the same?  It's absolutely ok to admit it, because WE ALL DO IT!  It's human nature.

 

For many years I was trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me, until I had an epiphany.  I AM NOT BROKEN!  I’m just not expressing who I am meant to be - who I really am - which brings us back to the "thinking".  When I started this journey even though I had decided to take responsibility to do something about my life, I was playing the “woe is me and blame someone else” game.  We humans tend to look externally for everything that we think is going to solve our issues, make us feel better about ourselves, feel loved or gain acceptance.  We are constantly looking to others for answers, advice, love, attention, and validation.  I was doing exactly that (and I still do at times).  While it’s true that as humans we need these things to some extent from others, we have forgotten that we actually have the answers and what we really need within us.  The trouble is we never look there.  We never look into our own hearts and our own minds for truth because we are so busy thinking automatic thoughts, most of which are not even our own!  We don't realize the amazing power of opening our hearts and of managing our minds, which we all have the capacity to do.

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My thinking about myself - my self-concept - who I was told I am and who I continued to think I am, was all wrong!  I realized that it wasn't so much what was happeing in the world that had me stuck, as it was my way of thinking about certain people, circumstances and events.  I didn't think very highly of myself or my abilities.  Do you ever think negatively about yourself?  Do you think you don't deservce success?  Do you think you aren't worthy of love or good things happening to you?  Do you have blind spots about your own thinking and can you see how that might be holding you back in life?  Are there things about your life that you would like to change but for some reason no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to do it?  Do you self-sabotage when things start to go well?  

 

I have been where you are, and it has taken me time, energy, effort and a lot of tears and hard work to get to where I am today.  I know myself better, I believe in myself more and I am growing and healing every day.  I did not get here alone, however.  "It takes a village" is not just a proverb about children.  Community is so important when it comes to growth and healing, making changes in our lives, or trying to live our dreams. There is plenty of information out there but transformation takes place when you have guidance from someone who has been on a similar path and you feel understood and supported in your experience of the ups and downs you are going through.  I was blessed to find a coach and psychologist whose guidance and support I have greatly benefited from.  I wouldn't be where I am today without that support and it was a catalyst in my decision to act on something I was feeling in my heart for years.  I wanted to be of service to others in navigating life's obstacles.  I believe the more we help others the more we help the world.  I have obtained my certification as a Life and Wellness Coach with the Canadian Coach Academy (an ICF Accredited Program) and continue to educate myself through CCA.  I am here to share my journey, my knowledge, my expertise, and my heart and mind with you.  I have done the work, and continue to do the work to continue learning and evolving.  Do I have it all figured out?  Heck no!  And I don't know anyone who does, but I do know that without love, compassion and support, some of us will not express the "gift that we all are" to this world.  We all need someoone to walk with us.  It may not be me that resonates with you, and that's perfectly ok, but I invite you to have a chat with me.  If it leads you in the direction of making a decision to invest in becoming more of yourself, honouring your own growth or committing to your own healing, then a seed as been planted.  

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